The Bystander Effect in Zimbabwe Promoting Gender Based Violence.

I had just come back from work when I heard screams coming from my neighbours’
house. Before I knew it, I heard sounds of thunder-like claps being showered on the
petite woman. As usual whenever there is an incident in a high density suburb it
does not take time for people to gather to observe for curiosity, entertainment and of
course data collection for ‘sharing purposes’. The full-grown man, a father and
husband shouted “wanga urikupi unofunga kuti ndakapusa inini!
Wandisiya mumba uchiti ukudzoka,wanga uchirikupi?! Nhasi ukuenda kumba
kwenyu!” (Where were you? You think I am a fool, you said you would be back!
Today you will go back to your home! ) as he began to slap her again. Their landlord
seemed to be both uninterested and mute as she watched the man slap the petite
woman. The men in the gathering crowd said that the petite lady ought to be
disciplined,that only men were allowed to be out till late in the night. As the people
dispersed, I could still hear some quarrelling in the background as I tried to peep
through the dura wall.

Gender Based Violence Normalised?
After the incident I could not help but wonder why no one had dared to restrain the
full-grown man from beating the petite woman. Why didn’t anyone call the police?
Instead everyone, we, I had observed and retired to our households. I pondered on
why this violence had been ‘normalized’, why people chose to cheer on whilst
a woman was being beaten up .
Was it because of the saying that “zvevaviri hazvipindirwi” (One must not involve
themselves in matters involving two people) or because growing up whenever a
woman would report of any abuse to her aunts or grandmothers would be told to
‘hang in there’ because that was part and parcel of a marriage. I guess you can’t
enjoy the smell of the roses without the pricking thorns?

However there are other reasons that influence people to chose not to help or
intervene during a violent act; fear of being victimised by the abuser ,waiting for the
other bystanders to take action before they do it and even others convincing
themselves that it is not their “ problem’’ to solve. According to
http://nomore.org/bystander-basics/ witnesses or bystanders chose not to

intervene because they keep on telling themselves that they don’t have to act unless
someone else does and this often results in them observing instead of taking action
during a violent act. In relation to people choosing not to act, it reminds me of the
viral video that circulated on social media in which a shebeen owner beat up a lady
over a debt. Through the lens of the bystander or the observer one saw how many
people chose not to intervene and instead observed closely with the exception of the
guy who was wearing a red t-shirt. This guy had tried to restrain the shebeen owner
but his actions were in vain as the shebeen owner continued to beat the lady. This
video showed how one can fall victim if they chose to intervene during a violent act,
how people in this technological era chose to take videos and pictures during such
atrocious acts instead of intervening.

The Gravity of Gender Based Violence in Zimbabwe
Although many choose not to intervene the consequences of gender based violence
in Zimbabwe are grave. According to Zimbabwe Demographic Health Survey one in
every four women in Zimbabwe is abused and the abuser is often someone they
know. Most survivors experience low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, fails to go to
work and others die at the hands of their abuser when they muster up the courage
to leave. Also many gender based violence cases are not reported to the police
because the survivors fear the stigma that is experienced in the society. Due to
these grave consequences I believe we ought to stand up against gender based
violence but how can one chose not to be a bystander?

How to be an up stander and not an bystander

After being a passive observer during the violent act I woke up the following morning
to sweep the yard as I waited, hoping that I would see her emerge. It would at least
give me a little consolation that she had lived to see another day, today. With a
swollen face she later emerged to do her daily routine. After exchanging pleasantries
I felt relieved that yes she was still standing. Yes she was bruised, but what mattered
most to me was she was ALIVE!
What will I do the next time I am a witness to a violent act? I believe I will call the
police to come help but for those who would want to intervene during an altercation

or a violent act, always take heed of your own safety before you intervene, call the
police before you intervene,and when talking to the survivor make it all about them
not about the abuser (www.globeslcc.com ). I also believe many awareness
programs should be run to conscientize people on gender based violence and our
fellow police officers ought to be trained on how to handle survivors .This is because many
times they mock the survivor or downplay their situation whenever they come through to
report their case.

In conclusion I believe one day just one day change will come but for now the fight
against gender based violence continues not only in the homes but more so within
ourselves.

A letter to my father

31 October 199_

Dear Dad

Some dates and days hold special meanings and reminders for certain people,my fave author once said.On this day I always wake up with a lump stuck in my throat and I try find something to help my mind not wonder but it always ends up where I dont want it to go .Reflection

Death robbed us ,robbed us of possibilities,opportunities,dreams and moments I will always wonder on about.I wish I could rewind time and it would take us back to when you were there,death should never be proud.

I wish I could ask for a chance to have you even for a day so I could sit down with you and tell you what you have missed out and how life has been without you.

I know you fought a good fight and if you had it your way you would watch us grow.They say it is God who gives and it is Him who takes but its hard, mashoko enyaradzo asi anorwadza kune asara .They say time heals but they lie you learn to live with the pain and some days are better than others

Thank you for leaving your LP’s for us to listen to ,you wont believe how much I love listening to the likes of James Chimombe, Thomas Mapfumo,Lovemore Maijavana, Dolly Parton and Don Williams (you had rich taste in music)

Thank you for leaving your love letters you used to exchange with mum,I think you could teach one or two things to my suitors and some would probably catch hands for being funny. (I often marvel at how you shared your endearing love and maybe your writing bug rubbed off on me )

Thank you for that one chance meeting with mum,you left us with one precious gift we cherish and adore.Without her our lives would have been different.

How can I capture what you have missed out without leaving important details?

How can I capture what you shall miss on without having to fight back tears because hey sometimes all I want to do is talk to you!

I always search for you in us if there are certain things one of us does that you used to do.I always try to remember you through your photos but sometimes ….

I love you always and I am proud you were my Dad with that afro and beard of yours.

Till we meet again Chikonamombe,rest in peace baba.

Melody

To the one who got away

Dear John

Where to begin! I used to believe we were meant to be now I believe that sometimes we meet people for a purpose , reason or season and when their time is up,it is up.

No amount of love could have saved us from what fate had in store. In another life we would have built a life but sometimes life does not always turn out as we plan it to be .

I would like to dedicate this song to you ,Katy Perry- The One That Got Away

The Price family and their Legacy

Ever watched something and you felt you needed more time to digest?

This is how I felt as I watched the first episode of the dazzling riveting telenovela –Legacy on M-Net.This telenovela is produced by the award winning production company Tshedza Pictures and if you do not know who and what Tshedza Pictures does , well please grab a chair you are about to be schooled.

Tshedza Pictures is one of my faves, a production company co-owned by Phathu Makwarela and Gwydion Beynon, they have produced Giyani -Land of the Blood , my daily indulgence – The River, they are also the creators behind Gomora and now they have a new baby – Legacy . *drumroll please* let me give you the juice on what happened during. the first episode.

Spoiler alert !

The first episode showcased the tale of a wealthy ,affluent ,powerful family that is going through a transition- the patriarch of the family is retiring and wants to hand over the reins to someone who is capable of taking over the family business – Legacy Investments.

The episode begins with the golden girl Felicity having a quick chat with their landscaper Sbu and we quickly move to the house where a newsreader is sharing about the family’s much anticipated news – the end of an era. An annoyed Felicity quickly calls the news people and asks them to wrap it up –why were they sharing their private matters on national television .

Felicity is the boss

We then get introduced to Mr Price who seems to adore his wife Dineo who is upstairs finishing up proofreading his speech whilst immersed in a bubble bath. One can tell Mr Price( Sebastian Senior) is a doting father as he hugs one of his daughters lovingly and plucks a kiss on another’s forehead.He then goes upstairs to check on his wife who has finished proofreading his speech and they share a beautiful moment.

when he looks at you like this (Mr Price and Dineo)

Downstairs something is brewing as Felicity is convinced that her dad is going to hand over the reins to his beautiful wife Dineo( I think she does not like Dineo). As the conversation continues with her sisters , a visitor arrives, well its Sebastian Junior (there is a new crush in town talk about delectable , bless my heart).After exchanging pleasantries all roads lead to Legacy retreat and in one of the cars an important conversation is shared between Mr Price and his wife, he asks her if all is well regarding the stadium business with the Premier because he didnt want anything to mess up their plan of Dineo taking over Legacy investments ( at this point I was thinking what do they mean is it contained and is it about corruption or bribes)

special tender moment before the storm

All is set at the retreat and Mr Price is sharing about the history of the business but he is interrupted.Someone has leaked that Dineo has been implicated in a corruption scandal about the stadium and so the games have began . Who will take over now?

the moment Hell broke loose!
father and son confiding (look at Seb Junior, some eyecandy)

Mr Price then goes for a drive with his son and asks him who would be the best fit for the post and he shares that it would be Felicity,she is the one for the job.

Felicity thanking the little Bird of eavesdropping in the car

Well where is Felicity? We move to a room where Felicity is sharing moments with the prince who is Mr Price’s driver * side eye* . Well I will call him the little bird that eavesdropped and recorded the conversation between Mr Price and Dineo in the car and gave it to Felicity to use as ammunition.

As the day goes by, we get to see a tender father and daughter moment in the wild but he discovers something, Felicity smells of cheap cologne and its so familiar to him ( its his driver’s and he puts two and two; she is the one who tipped off the news people which lead to the corruption scandal leak and now Dineo dearest cant take over )

the moment when he smells of the cheap cologne

Now this is when drama unfolds as she pushes his dad off the cliff and prétends to scream “daddy daddy”. Mr Price has paid a huge price for discovering that his daughter sabotaged his wife’s ascent in the business

to push or not to push dad off the cliff

What a huge price to pay right!

What I loved about the telenovela is the riveting jaw dropping storyline,it has familiar faces from the South African arts industry and also has a subplot ( Mr Price’s driver has a sister Petra who is job hunting and so she attends an interview at Legacy investments where the recruiter out rightly tells her that she wont be getting the job as they seek to maintain the BEE scorecard and this is definitely a plot I want to see develop ).It also depicts a reality about family legacy and that any member is willing to pay to have a piece of the inheritance or legacy even if it is murder

What I did not like about the telenovela was that I was literally sitting on the edge whilst watching it.It is riveting,gripping and I think we will be seeing a lot of twists going forward. I did feel a bit sad about the death of Mr Price but his death was necessary, he is the sacrificial lamb so that the legacy is carried on lol

crocodile tears crying daddy daddy .Felicity

Would I recommend you to watch?

Definitely if you have not watched it you can catch up on the first episode on DSTV catch up, I am not sure yet if it is now on Showmax.For the rest of the episodes you can jump on the wagon every Monday to Thursday at 19h00 on M-Net Channel 101 (for this week only all Dstv subscribers can watch it on M-Net which is huge)

kutense at the Legacy lol 7pm on Mnet Channel 101

All images used in this article were obtained from the M-Net Channel .

Wrap up the challenge #WinterABC #Day22

*clears throat*

Firstly I would love to thank at @Afrobloggers for the challenge, it has helped me learn much and witness the power of a simple post. I would also like to thank all the bloggers I have interacted with, collaborated with and all the posts they shared, I have learnt so much . To those who read each and every post I made , merci,obrigada,thank you thank you you are far too kind *jayz’s voice*

Its officially over but to me its just the beginning ,I will not say goodbye but I will say see you soon

Do check out @Afrobloggers site on http://afrobloggers.org.zw/ it has lots of yummy beautiful content.

*pimp my ride’s presenter’s voice* I have officially been badged lol, I came , I wrote and I finished the challenge .

*ululates*

Which brand would you like to represent and work with #WinterABC2020 #Day10

I used to be a language tour guide in Victoria Falls and whenever I would go drop off clients or see them off for an activity at the Victoria Falls hotel, I would find myself glaring at timeless pieces at one of Ndau’s display units. I would feel like a child in a candy shop and I would always make a wish that one day I would own one of their pieces.

Ndau Collection is a group of collaborative designers in Victoria Falls , who were brought together by their love for African history ,culture and design.They specialise in handmade peculiar accessories, jewellery , collectibles and fragrances. You can check out some of their pieces below and on their site https://www.ndaucollectionstore.com

I would love to represent and work with Ndau Collection because I would love to showcase what the brand represents and share about its rich history and work that has gained recognition across the globe.

Have I been Ndau’d ?

They say wishes do come true and mine came true when @gilmoretee and @NdauCollection made magic .

I received a special package few weeks later

I cant equate the feeling I felt when I touched and wore them. Unique and precious are their pieces and to represent them would be a dream come true. Universe hear hear

All pictures of the Ndau logo and pieces were taken from their site

By the time he woke up I was dying … #WinterABC2020 #day18

1hour earlier

I tiptoed around the room in order not to wake him up, after the night we had ,surely he needed some rest . My babe, my boo was finally home after his latest UN trip and I planned to make his stay memorable.I reached out for his white crispy shirt so I could bask in his scent. Alluring, tantalising and clean, this smell…

Okay!!! I mutter as I quickly snap back from Wonderland, I need to bath and make him some breakfast fit for a king.I make my way to our ensuite and I treat myself to a hot bubble bath.

As I step out to get my drying towel, something is wrong, I can’t feel my legs. I hear a loud thud as I slip onto the floor. I can see red ,its red all over our ceramic tiles and I try crying out “Baby” .I wonder if he can hear me, he is not coming for me anytime soon is he?

By the time he woke up I was dying ….

Share about a life changing event that you once attended #WinterABC2020 #Day20

The 26th of May 2018 will always stand out as one of my memorable and unforgettable days , I finally got to see my fave. All this while I had been listening to his music and even sharing with the Universe about my wish to see him perform in person.

I remember so vividly the day it was announced that Ginimbi was bringing him to Zimbabwe , Kuda tagged me on the tweet and the countdown began.

All roads would lead to HICC for his maiden Zimbabwean tour.

On the day a throng of rhumba lovers gathered at HICC to attend his maiden show. In case you do not know who   Fally Ipupa is, Congolese by nationality, is a former dancer of the acclaimed rhumba hit maker Koffi Olomide who has risen through the ranks to stardom as a rhumba musician. He is famously known for his hits such as “Original Hustler,La vie est belle, Ècole” and his breathtaking dance moves.

picture taken from his Twitter page

 His maiden show to Zimbabwe was part of his African “Tookoos” tour and was made possible by Ginimbi entertainment in conjunction with Trace Africa. The show was hosted by the effervescent Tich Mataz and the queen of swag Pokello who took turns introducing the various artists during the show. The show kicked off with Bryan K as the opening act who proved that he could be the next thing in the entertainment industry as he belted out his songs  effortlessly .After the “Kiriba “ singer left the stage , the crowd was in for a nostalgic treat as Diamond Musica claimed their crown. Yes they still have it; they serenaded the crowd with “Sinamakosa, Akapfeka Miniskirt and Ehe Ndimambo” and definitely made some rhumba lovers go amok with their dance moves.

Diamond musica -picture taken from @263Chat site

Up next was Tuku who lived up to his legendary reputation as he delivered a timeless, seamless and seasoned musical act.  He performed songs from his latest album and even managed to drop some faves like Shamiso and Hosanna.

The great Oliver Mtukudzi – taken from @263Chat site

As soon as his final musical notes died down, rhumba lovers knew it was now time to finally see “El Rey Mago”, Aigle Fally Ipupa. With bated breath and dimmed lights, the “Original” hitmaker made his entrance singing “La vie est belle”.

I was that close to him I saw him guys and he smells nice!!!

At that very moment it dawned on fans that they were in for a splendid act as Fally and his dancers took turns dancing and singing. He performed non-stop for close to 3 hours varying his tempo and dance moves.  If anything is to go by, he lived up to most rhumba lovers expectations as he engaged with the crowd and even granted his fans a chance to share the stage with him. As he sang his last song and announced that the after party was at Sankayi, Juntal could be seen warming up in the background.

Aigle Fally Ipupa on stage

Juntal wrapped up the show with a few of his latest singles and the hit single “ Mutupo”. Junta’s act surely shows that there is still hope in our entertainment industry. Overally the show was a success though marred with a relatively average turnout .This could be as a result of the Champions league final which saw  Liverpool losing to Madrid so maybe Liverpool fans were licking their wounds at home as others danced the night away.However I believe this show will always leave an indelible mark in the minds of most rhumba fans, Fally came, he conquered and he still reigns as the Champions love and for me I had finally seen my fave.

Recycle one of your old posts and bring it back to life #WinterABC #Day21

What would you do if you could have all you ever wanted?

Dai pasina  Tendai wedu wainoroorwa gudo remugomo, mugomo here mugomo here”

The crowd kept on chanting as Chipo’s lobola negotiations had been finalised. Chipo could not hold her smile anymore, she was finally Mrs Mufambi.We gathered around to celebrate with her, Tendai had put a ring on it.

Beep beep!!! I look at my Whatsapp messages

Chipo created group “Chipos Bridesmaids”

Chipo added Christine

Chipo added Paida

Chipo added Cynthia

Chipo added Andile

Chipo : Welcome ladies ,at long last . Bridal dance rehersals are starting tomorrow

Christine : It’s a wedding

Andile : Pfee  finally

Me: Hello Beautiful Bride to Be

Cynthia : Paida we have waited for this from the beginning of time. See you tomorrow hunies.

I quickly glance at the time,I should probably go help the aunties serve our inlaws some food. I walk towards the cooking area but for some reason  i just feel that someone is looking at me.“Ndiani aronga kudai ndi Mwari vakanaka ,ndiani aronga  kudai ndiMwari vakanaka”, the aunties sing as they dish out food and they give me a tray to take to our  vakwasha.As I walk towards our vakwasha I reflect on how our friendship had began with Chipo, we had met at varsity and had been inseparable ever since,friends are like diamonds rare to find and Chipo was one such friend.Chipo was highly temperamental,loving nonetheless and had a weakness for tall men.

I kneel in front of the vakwasha  and our eyes meet with him .Yes him, I knew it was him who had been staring at me as I walked to the cooking area. Oh my where to begin!! Chocolate brown skin, deep voice and above all  tall that is Tendai for you. Tendai  was yummy yummy and every time I would see him with Chipo,my tummy would be in knots.

Ok snap! Back to reality come on Paida.I gently put the tray on the table and help the guys wash their hands.

“I did it Paida, your friend must be ectastic,” Tendai remarked.

His boys all join in to share their sentiments about the lobola negotiations but all I can hear is Tendai’s voice .He did it what? He is proud of himself for finally tying the knot, if only he knew.I smile politely and mumble some congratulatory message. I quickly need to go away and change my knickers,Tendai still has the same effect on me as during our varsity years.

“Boys catch you later .Will come collect the tray soon”, I remark as I stand up to leave

Beep Beep

I look at my phone

Ten: I love the look.That headwrap suits you.

xoxo

I look at him and shake my heard.

Story by:

Melody Chingwaru

Tatenda Diura

To read the rest of the book please download below

Choose 5 songs, tell us why they are special to you #WinterABC2020 #Day19

This one was a lot because I love music and choosing just five phew .so these are my 5 songs.

1.Innocent Utsiwegota-Amai

This song is special to me because it sums up what I hope and wish for my heroine, my mum. I would not be where I am if it was not for her and my world makes sense because she is in my life.You can check it out below

2. Jonas Chivasa ft Chelsea MguniNdozvinoita Nyasha

This song reminds me of how things can just change for the best, how you could be going through the worst and something happens and the only explanation is grace. I am grateful for grace, it has carried me through all my life.You can check it out below.

3. Saïfa-Backshot

Ignore the lyrics shall you because hey… This song is my mood changer, I love the beat, the outfits and the dances in the video, Saïfa delivered on this one. It makes me feel jolly and want to dance. You can check it below

4. Fally Ipupa Jupka

This was a tough one to choose , I love Fally Ipupa so this one is a snippet to all his songs I love. Its a merry one.You can check it out below.

5.Jah Cure – Straight from the Heart

I am a lover of love, this one takes me back to that fuzzy place where you feel love and this song hits deep. You can check it below.

Eish wish I could add more songs ….. what are your top 5 songs?